Wednesday, March 1, 2017

The Devil Is In The Details - WOFF'S Challenging, Defensive Disclaimer In Lieu of an Apology

I just bought a pair of very expensive boots made from lawyer skin. They cost $650.00 per hour to wear! - Henny Youngman

WOFF spared no time releasing a statement responding to allegations made in a report by Mitch Weiss, an Associated Press investigative reporter, featuring shocking revelations of alleged abuse of 43 former WOFF members, at the hands of ministers.(See Document Everything)

There are a lot of holes in this weak, albeit aggressively crafted statement.

It points fingers, fails to apologize, questions credibility, feigns shock and disappointment (a 10 on the "oh please" scale), reeks of self unawareness, and attempts to minimize the participants.

After loosely analyzing and DE-coding the statement, I found THEIR statements more incredulous than my interpretation.

In lieu of a good lawyer to write this statement, their in-house counsel, a graduate of the Mayberry School of Law, home of the fighting Shazams!, popped off this gem:

We are shocked and saddened to learn of the false allegations made against our church and its pastors by certain former members and reported in a recent Associated Press article authored by Mitch Weiss. (We didn't see this coming, we are self unaware. In addition, they are all lies anyway. No one would dare question Jane Whaley.)

We do not condone or allow abuse in any form at our church. Period. (We hope this statement will be enough smoke for you to believe us. We 'don't condone' it now that we have been publicly outed by a massive amount of allegations coming from one investigation. So, does this mean you condoned it before? )

These false allegations were predominantly made by members of an extended family, with one of its members currently facing several legal battles, both civil and criminal. (So, let's get mean and start pointing out how flawed all these people are.)

We believe these allegations are carefully targeted and timed to prejudice the jury pool, put pressure on the judges and elected officials, and otherwise influence the public in an attempt to gain advantage in these legal cases. (Too late. The general public has known about the goings on at this "church" well before Good Cop(religious cults info)/Bad Cop (WOFFWATCHER)started blogging. It doesn't help your case that your very public court battles and numerous news reports have documented bouts of alleged abuse and other drama for well over 30 years.There is INDEED A WELL ESTABLISHED PATTERN HERE.)

The allegations of this small group of people should be viewed in contrast to the number of faithful members in our large congregation. (It only takes ONE case of abuse or criminal activity to impact the reputation of any person, business or even place of worship, much less 43 people. More importantly, "faithful members" still within your flock have ALSO experienced some of the same treatment that 43 former members have revealed. I know some!! And, there are still people cued up to leave at any moment.)

It is curious and revealing that those now speaking out have sat on their allegations for several years and only speak out at what they perceive to be an advantageous time. (No time like the present, pal. Investigators are still hunting down Nazis. You think all of those alleged incidents that happened at your "church are going to be forgotten, much less reported? This sentence is highly presumptuous for an organization purported to be a place of worship.)

If our church is such an abusive place, why did several of the attorneys quoted in Mr. Weiss’ article allow their children to continue to attend our church and school for months after they withdrew from membership in the church? (For the same reason CURRENT members have waited. For the RIGHT MOMENT. When you have to pack up and go, you have to have every body on the same page, which is impossible for most people as they are prone to tell on each other. Importantly, you just don't walk away from family. That's why.) 

Further, is it notable that one of the most vehement critics quoted in the article routinely insisted that his infant daughter be cared for daily by the very individuals he now accuses of heinous abuse.(Extenuating circumstances here. Man, you are reaching.)

False allegations have been made against our church in the past. Investigations at several levels of government have been conducted. We have been exonerated at every point. (No. ALLEGATIONS have been made in the past against your "church" They just didn't have the legal muscle . You're flaunting your win-win record where your legal teams have been successful. This doesn't matter going forward.)

Although Mr. Weiss’s article references his review of various legal documents, it fails to educate the reader on these exonerations .(Really? You think critiquing a respected journalist who works for the gold standard of journalism, is relevant? How are you qualified to do this? Now who's attacking who? Stick with what you know. God knows you know most every egregious moment of what's gone on at WOFF, and would be one hell of a witness for the plaintiffs. I know, the client-lawyer privilege thing.)

We remain hopeful that the public will see through these fabrications and see them for what they are.( Remain hopeful all you want. Your track record is hard to ignore. No one will see any of this as fabrications.  Not even fabric professionals.)

Sam (Don't buy a car without talking to me) and
Jane (STAAAAAAAP ITTTTTTTTTTTTT! {my new ring tone} ) Whaley, 
Word of Faith Fellowship pastors (this could change)
Joshua Farmer, attorney, Farmer and Morris Law (Right next to Chico's Bail Bonds)

BTW READERS: It's WOFF (as in off), not WOOF.